Friday, January 14, 2011

YES, NO, Wait? Please! Can I pee alone?

Aside from being exhausted I'm really glad to see the progress Riley's made, even just emotionally. A child's emotional well-being is really, really important  but it seems to have become the secondary issue now days.  Public school really made him into a kid that was genuinely sad. He was volatile, grumpy, stressed out and aggressive...not to mention the education he learned from other kids. A whole new world of knowledge...let me tell you! (Ok I dare not explain) Frankly even if I'm struggling with teaching him adequately the "process" I feel is somewhat less significant than his overall well-being.

I don't feel that sending him to school taught him about real life or real responsibility at all. In the real world you do not have to ask to go to the bathroom (and be told no), you do not have only 20 minutes to eat, and hopefully your not only allowed speak when spoken too. Riley was so overwhelmed with stress from day to day and learning took a back seat. Not all children learn the same way or in the allotted time slot. I guess I just have to figure out the details as I go. I want to find out how this is actually going to happen for us. I wish it would just come to me like some sort of miracle. Unfortunately that's not so. As an adult I naturally over complicate things and getting it out of my head and into his just leaves us both baffled.

I'm really wearing out fast most days, I need to find some sort of balance for my own sanity. Being a stay at home mother all of these years I've been heavily involved, I try to cook from scratch and really embrace living sustainably but while he was at school I did have some slack. I could watch PBS with Connor, work on cooking or blogging, and in general I had a bit of time to be a selfish individual. Lately I feel like I don't even have the time to sit down to go to the bathroom! I'm the 24/7 Encyclopedia not to mention chef, diaper changer, player with-er, and cleaner-upper. I'm going insane. I don't want to curb his desire to learn however I'd like to go to the bathroom alone, or even watch just one television show without having to change a diaper, fill a bottle, or answeri 400 questions. I know everyone says it gets easier,  and although we've made great progress and things are making sense I'd like to hope that at some point I don't feel like I have to tip toe off to the bathroom to sneak a peak at my twitter (sadly its really become my only grasp at the outside adult world). Hopefully soon we'll find our homeschooling mojo, hopefully someday soon I can pee alone. (like really alone, totally alone... without someone knocking on the door "starving to death", or "really needing to know something") Although I harp on the overwhelming feeling, more significantly I'm feeling absolutely blessed lately. My kids are wonderful and I'm so proud of what we've set out to accomplish together. It might be a steep incline right now but it can't rain all the time right?

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