Day One

Today is the first day of this new journey for my family, homeschooling. Although we have considered the idea of homeschooling for quite some time its just recently become obvious that its a change that must be made. We do live in a somewhat rural area, so my initial concern was the stress children must feel sitting on a bus almost two hours a day. Beyond that theres the genuine "blah" I feel towards what children have to experience now days in public schools especially. Although I whole heartedly acknowledge that it is good for a lot of families, for mine it just doesn't feel right.  I really feel that my child deserves the attention he needs as an individual. Although I'm quite sure of that, the details from there I have not quite figured out.

My oldest son Riley is still currently in standard "brick and mortar" Public School, he's seven and in the first grade. He is hearing impaired as well as incredibly wilful. Every day is a struggle for him in a variety of ways, although he tries to fit in and improve upon a variety of things theres been little improvement. The stress is too much for him, and with that our family struggles to find all of the right answers at a moments notice. Nothing has gotten any better for him or for us and with each passing day he grows more and more frustrated. This is it, it has got to happen...when? Don't know. How? We are not sure of that either, but it has to happen. 

I have looked into the details and frankly I'm no less confused than I was a week ago. I found resources dictating the laws for homeschooling here in Pennsylvania however beyond that I know nothing. I've ordered books, I've emailed fellow homeschooling bloggy mommies. (soulemama & pioneerwoman) The cards are laying out, I'm waiting for everything to line up... and I'm quite honestly experiencing pants shitting terror. The stack of "what ifs" are growing and growing. What if I ruin my kids? What if I'm not smart enough myself? What happens when we hit algebra? Will it be high school all over again? Can I just fall asleep and pray that its over? 

I've birthed and nursed (rather un-successfully I might add) two children. Nothing is as stressful as this. Why is that? They are MY children, I'm ok with being fully responsible for them not starving or being filthy. Why is the responsibility of education so daunting? I've nagged for years that I feel its best for my kids to have me home with them full-time. Why is it so scary to think its my responsibility to educate them too? What good does it do them that I'm sitting here while they are off somewhere else? I've tried to shape them into wonderful little cherubs, which frankly I've tanked that one... they have scrapes and boogers and they swear on occasion but hey, they are my little monsters.

My goal with this site is merely to document this journey day by day, one day at a time as best I can. Hopefully years from now I will see all of my fears as just silly. Hopefully they won't be axe-murderers or hermits, hopefully they will say thank you momma you did the right thing. Either way I really truly believe that this needs to happen for Riley especially but also for all of us, for our family.